The Bittersweet Paradox

I am a feeling-driven kind of person. I know God gave us our feelings and all, but it seems like they are generally more of a hindrance. They have, on more than one occasion, made me postpone or have even completely kept me from doing what I know God wanted. Feelings are really nothing more than a knee-jerk reaction to circumstances, and these knee-jerk reactions are driven by the subconscious beliefs we hold, whether we know about them or not. So, it would follow that only until we know that all of our subconscious beliefs have been transformed into beliefs which line up with God's word, we know we can't necessarily trust our feelings. I think it's safe to say that won't happen completely here on earth.

So while it's fun to enjoy feelings when they are good, I'm learning slowly and painfully to question them, good or bad. Because I've found that I can't trust them enough to base my decisions on them. Thankfully, for decision making, I have the Word of God and the Holy Spirit's leading to rely on. But, even with the Holy Spirit's leading, feelings tend to cloud that for me too. So, while it is a constant, uphill struggle, I must consciously push my feelings to the side while I ask myself what God says in his word about whatever situation I happen to be struggling with. If my feelings line up with what I've found to be true in God's word, I know I've had a small victory. If they don't match up, I confess them (because God knows I'm feeling that anyway), I DON'T act on them, and finally, I offer them as a sacrifice, holy and pleasing to Him. This is, however, the ideal scenario. It rarely plays out this way. There's usually much more wrestling with God involved, and it is seldom this clear cut. But; this, for me today, is the refining process.