The Bittersweet Paradox

18"If the world hates you, you know that it has hated Me before it hated you.
19"If you were of the world, the world would love its own; but because you are not of the world, but I chose you out of the world, because of this the world hates you.
20"Remember the word that I said to you, 'A slave is not greater than his master ' If they persecuted Me, they will also persecute you; if they kept My word, they will keep yours also.
21"But all these things they will do to you for My name's sake, because they do not know the One who sent Me. "

John 15:18-21

There's been a lot of talk of loving lately at a my Bible study and on my friend's blog. The above passage confuses me. I think I know what it refers to, but not completely. It seems as though certain segments of the Christian population use this passage as license to judge the world at large, and when they see the world "persecuting" them, they just use that as further proof that they're following God.

One thing seems somewhat inconsistent in this passage, and it's probably just because I've absorbed way too much Christian pop-culture. I hear shouted in my ear all the time that people should see the love of Christ through us, and that if all goes according to plan, they'll be "drawn" to Christianity through that influence alone. But, this passage seems to suggest differently. Granted, I'm not showcasing the many examples of Christ, in a single conversation, taking a sinner, showing them love, healing their infirmities and transforming them into one of his children.

If the world is supposed to hate and persecute us as it did Christ, but at the same time we're supposed to show them the love of Christ, how could they continue to hate and persecute us? These are legitimate questions I have...I promise I'm not just trying to point out inconsistencies in Scripture just to be doing it.

Two work weeks left. 9.5 work days. I'm losing motivation at my job. I'm trying to finish it strong, but it's getting harder and harder... Another week and a half after I leave, I will be hauling my random stuff to Carpentersville, IL to the little townhouse where I'll be living next year. I can't believe it's almost here.

I'm so close to being done fundraising I can taste it. I've raised $1700 in monthly support thus far. That in and of itself is amazing. Another $300 monthly (or so) to go. God is so faithful.

This morning, I did something I've been thinking for a long time that I should make a habit. Rather than beginning my morning today with hauling my sleep-filled eyes to the shower 15 minutes after I should've gotten up, my mind wandering aimlessly toward whatever subject it happened to feel like mulling over, I actually woke up early and began my day with 20 minutes of prayer and Bible study. It felt good. Like a step towards living in victory rather than yet another one indulging my flesh.

I can't wait to see what He's going to do next year.

People have been pestering me to post. I still have no real impetus or inspiration to do so, but I thought it would be wise to try.

I read this passage at Sonic during lunch before accidentally taking a little cat nap in my car. I thought it was awesome.

4 Fear not, for you will not be put to shame;
And do not feel humiliated, for you will not be disgraced;
But you will forget the shame of your youth,
And the reproach of your widowhood you will remember no more.
5 For your husband is your Maker,
Whose name is the LORD of hosts;
And your Redeemer is the Holy One of Israel,
Who is called the God of all the earth.

Isaiah 54:5

Sometimes I listen to Calvary Satellite Network in the car and one of the preachers I hear a lot has been doing a series called "God as He Longs for You to Know Him"...or something like that. He suggested the book "The Knowledge of the Holy" by A.W. Tozer and I went to buy that book. So far, it seems really good. So far meaning the four pages I've actually read of it thus far.

I've come to the realization that a lot of the struggles in my life are because I don't have an accurate understanding of the God whom I want to serve. Worry, anxiety, frustration, joylessness. All products of not being completely sure that I can totally trust God with everything. I believe that if I understood God as He is (granted, we will NEVER fully or exhaustively know God on earth) then so many of those problems and fears I have will be completely overshadowed by the amazingness of my God, my Father; and Christ, His Son, my Savior.

In the words of Paul, I want to know Christ.