The Bittersweet Paradox

You turn the corner only to discover a bus barreling in your direction, with the driver of the motorcycle on which you're riding happily oblivious to all that's going on around him. What do you do?

If you scream in your friend's ear like a blithering idiot to stop, turn to page 87.

If you gain your composure and point out the impending collision to your friend, turn to page 29.

If you jump from the speeding motorcycle, planning on rolling safely onto the grass, turn to page 54.

No joke, I was a little obsessed with these books when I was young. I would get out a little notebook and plot out each storyline as it developed, as well as making note of any options I chose not to take. If the storyline I was on would turn into something less than satisfactory, I would meticulously backtrack through my chosen path to change the outcome into something more desirable. Before I would abandon whatever book I was working on to the next in the series, I made absolutely certain I had exhausted every storyline, knowing exactly the outcome of each possible scenario.

It's frightening how similar to these childrens' books life actually is. We choose our adventure everyday. The only problem is that we're left wondering what the outcome would have been had we taken another route. Sadly, there's no way to backtrack and see. I'm usually one to make decisions pretty quickly, so this usually isn't a problem keeping me up at night. I tend to decide something and not look back. But, just lately, I've kinda been asking myself that dreaded "what if" question.

I think this has been precipitated by the strange turns my life has taken lately. They're good turns, but still strange to me. They're things that I KNOW God has brought about, and some of it I'm really looking forward to. But, they're still not something I would have ever planned on.

Every step that you take
Could be your biggest mistake
It could bend or it could break
But that’s the risk that you take

Ah, how I love Coldplay. They seem to put the human condition into such succinct little nuggets. But that's a topic for another post.

I take comfort in knowing that I am genuinely seeking God's will, that He will guide me, and will redeem any screw-ups I make. I hope to know someday how God has guided my life when I didn't realize it and how God's grace permeated my life when I wasn't even watching for it. It reminds me of the lyrics to another song...

One of these days I'm gonna see
Just what became of me
On the day that I believed
When you took myself from me
And I believe I will see
What I would have been
If You didn't save me
One of these days

The Scenario:

Running 10 minutes late to work. A hundred different reason why. Bosses don't care much about all that, though. They arrived at 7:45 and they have wives and small children to attend to. I'm guessing they wouldn't be interested in hearing that I rolled out of bed at 7:27 (mistakenly), didn't even get a shower, and booked it to work as fast as my little Honda Accord would carry me.

The Dilemma:

Do I take the door which would take me by the offices of the COO and the President or do I take the door which would take me by my direct supervisor? (who, may I remind you, all arrived at 7:45, I'm sure.)

The Decision:

I chose the supervisor door. Luckily, there was a line of people (already diligently working) piled up at his door waiting to talk to him. He couldn't have seen me if he tried. But, thanks to my brilliant co-worker who called out my name as loudly as he could the moment I walked through the door, I was unable to quietly slip in. So, instead of keeping my arrival on the DL, everyone in the company (including the COO, the President, and my supervisor) knew I was late.

Thanks for that, brilliant co-worker.

My new favorite word: intuitor.

And now I have proof that the word actually exists!

I used this word in conversation a couple weeks ago, and have not heard the end of it since. "There is no such word!" they said.

Au contraire...

I have recently become way interested in the Myers-Briggs temperment sorters and in my recent internet scanning on various personality types, guess which word I saw??? Go ahead, guess.

"Both parties--the intuitor and the realist--are aware of a xenic quality..."

You need proof you say? 1/3 of the way down the page on the left.

I totally just spent $21.00 on cookies.

Does the fact that they bear the name Girl Scouts excuse me?

Appropriate for Valentine's Day. So, there's been a swarm of blog postings on the subject of late, and I figured I'd better weigh in on the subject before the moment has passed. And I've waited so long to post my opinions that the moment almost has. I've waited purposely. I wanted to sort out my thoughts on the issue and question some beliefs I've held. That takes time, I suppose.

I haven't dated much. I kinda like it that way. For me, dating is the first step in a potential relationship. I know there are some who don't necessarily see it that way. I figure that if you want to "get to know someone better" there are ample opportunities to do that within the context of friendship, before you start to express romantic interest in someone by asking them out. Once you ask someone out, (and sometimes even before) emotions get involved, and that's where things start getting complicated. At least that's the case for me. That's one of the things I've been a little embarrassed to admit to myself in the last couple weeks. I'd love to pretend to be someone who is aloofly emotionally detached from dating situations, able to move in and out of them at will, but I'm just not. That's one of the conclusions I've come to in the last couple weeks. For me, dating is more serious than just hanging out with someone. I want to have fun while dating, but it is so much more to me than having fun.

To me, dating is the method in which we find the person God has sent us to spend the rest of our lives with. Have you ever heard the saying "Careful who you date because you never know who you'll fall in love with"? That is why dating, in my mind, is much more than dinner and a movie with a boy you find cute. Dating becomes inappropriate once God has shown you that that person is not someone you should marry. I run the risk of sounding like Glenn Close from "Fatal Attraction" here, and I realize that. But, hear me out. Before I even start developing interest in someone, ideally, I try to pray about that person and ask myself if they have the qualities I would want to see in a future spouse. I've historically been a pretty good judge of character, and I don't need to go out on dates with someone to determine if they have certain qualities I'm looking for. If they don't, I take them out of my mind as someone I would potentially date. Once in a dating relationship, if I find that this is not someone I would marry, it's time for things to end. Once I have started to let myself have feelings for someone, it is very difficult to be objective about the situation, even if someone I'm dating starts to show qualities I would not want to see in a future spouse. That is why I must be choosy when dating. Once the feelings start coming, it is infinitely more difficult to detach myself from that person if I start to perceive that that needs to happen.


My advice to someone who's approach to dating is different from mine:

Be careful with the other person. You may have a more casual approach to dating. That is fine! But please realize that the person you are dating may not. Girls hate to admit this, (I know I do) but a lot of them are emotional, feeling driven individuals. BE CAREFUL WITH THEM! Once mutual romantic interest is expressed, the person you are dating may have a very difficult time turning feelings off if the time comes when that needs to happen. You may have an easier time doing that. But again, please realize that the other person may not have that ability.

Disclaimer: I don't presume to speak for anyone else here. These are my own views and observations on the subject. I more than realize that some will disagree with this. I also realize that there are many with a more casual approach who will be just as God-honoring in their dating relationships. But, as far as my own personality and preferences go, in an ideal situation, this is how I have to do it.

Fajitas on the office for lunch. Normally, this would make me giddy as a trip to Taco Bueno would, but today is sadly different.

There are two problems:

1. I have had to stay in close proximity to the porcelain god for the last two days because of the fabulous stomach virus being passed around Oklahoma City.

2. I have eaten nothing but crackers, Sprite and rainbow sherbet in these past two days and so I am very, very hungry.

What would said fajitas do to my very sensitive GI tract today? Only time and a plateful of rice, fajitas, chips and queso will tell as my empty stomach is completely unable to resist the temptation of this delicious fare.

This could be disaster in the making.

I just had my favorite lunch. Taco Bueno rocks! There is not much which beats queso made of processed cheese food served in adorable tortilla-chip bowls, paired with questionable guacamole and dripping-with-oil tortilla chips. Add to that grease laden flatbread layered with ground beef which almost certainly does not come from a cow, refried beans made of powder and boiling water, smothered in iceburg lettuce which contains the nutritional value of a clod of dirt, more processed cheese food, and diced tomatoes which have lost all shape due to weeks of being smashed into a large plastic bag. Add to that a 97 ounce cup of brown sugar water, a.k.a. the nectar of the gods a.k.a. Dr. Pepper.

Sad part about it is, there is no sarcasm AT ALL in the above paragraph. I can't think of a meal I would pick over this one.