The Bittersweet Paradox

I am a feeling-driven kind of person. I know God gave us our feelings and all, but it seems like they are generally more of a hindrance. They have, on more than one occasion, made me postpone or have even completely kept me from doing what I know God wanted. Feelings are really nothing more than a knee-jerk reaction to circumstances, and these knee-jerk reactions are driven by the subconscious beliefs we hold, whether we know about them or not. So, it would follow that only until we know that all of our subconscious beliefs have been transformed into beliefs which line up with God's word, we know we can't necessarily trust our feelings. I think it's safe to say that won't happen completely here on earth.

So while it's fun to enjoy feelings when they are good, I'm learning slowly and painfully to question them, good or bad. Because I've found that I can't trust them enough to base my decisions on them. Thankfully, for decision making, I have the Word of God and the Holy Spirit's leading to rely on. But, even with the Holy Spirit's leading, feelings tend to cloud that for me too. So, while it is a constant, uphill struggle, I must consciously push my feelings to the side while I ask myself what God says in his word about whatever situation I happen to be struggling with. If my feelings line up with what I've found to be true in God's word, I know I've had a small victory. If they don't match up, I confess them (because God knows I'm feeling that anyway), I DON'T act on them, and finally, I offer them as a sacrifice, holy and pleasing to Him. This is, however, the ideal scenario. It rarely plays out this way. There's usually much more wrestling with God involved, and it is seldom this clear cut. But; this, for me today, is the refining process.

Well, the bosses are in a meeting and that means it's time to post.

I came to the realization in the last several days that I am in a holding pattern with no foreseeable end. I don't like it. I want to get where I'm going.

Have you ever asked God what he is trying to teach you through a situation just so you can learn your lesson and be done with the situation? Sadly, it seems as though God doesn't work that way. His so-often-revered "timing" seems so endlessly slow to me sometimes. That's not to say it's not perfect. I know it is. But, I want everything to happen quickly. I suppose that's partly because of my personality, and partly because I'm an impatient carnal human.

The interesting thing about holding patterns is that they are never random. When a pilot announces entering a holding pattern to an airplane full of passengers anxious to get to their families or their meeting or their connection, it is never because he thinks it would be really fun to fly around in circles for a while. It is always because there is some other reason. Maybe there's a storm to avoid, or because the runways are overcrowded and you would run into another plane if you were to land. I must trust that this holding pattern in which I am suspended is for a greater reason. Only God knows what kind of disaster I could be avoiding, or what I need to understand before the next step, or the blessing which lies at the other end.

Did you know Christ prayed for us specifically while He was here on earth? Not just in generalities, either. He prayed specifically for believers of today. Read John 17. You wonder what God's will for your life is like I do? Here's your answer.

I felt like the title of my blog needed further explanation. Here are some thoughts I jotted down at lunch:

Well, it looks like I've entered the ranks of the bloggers. See title of post:). I remember being a freshman in college living in the Honors dorm at the wonderful University of Oklahoma and shaking my head in disdain as I watched my neighbors endlessly chat online (with babes, perhaps) or try to play every possible combination of Solitaire. I can't help but feel I've succumbed to this computer-crazed society. But maybe I succumbed long ago and didn't want to admit it to myself. Be that as it may, this will be a sufficient way to pass the mindnumbing hours at work, at the very least (I guess I could work).